Listen

Today marks the start of my children's 4th week of school and I think I've finally got this whole schedule thing figured out... Don't get me wrong...I had a schedule from Day One! Ya'll know me!!!

Wake up 5:00 AM
Drop kids at bus 6:15 AM
Arrive work 7:00 AM
Leave work 3:30 PM
Pick up kids 4:15 PM
Arrive home 4:30 PM
Dinner 5:00 PM
Leave home 6:00 PM
Arrive at my school 6:30 PM
Pray to finish up so the kids can be home & in bed by 10:00 PM

In spite of having things so eloquently timed, this schedule left me with the blues and try as I might I just couldn't seem to shake it :(. I kept thinking maybe if I were just a little more organized? As my BFF Devediah (check out her blog devediah-theserialdieter.blogspot.com) pointed out, "you can't get much more organized than mapping your day out in 30 minute intervals!" I opted not to insert the spreadsheet in my schedule above. Suffice it to say being more organized was not the solution. The solution is what I've been preaching since the inception of my blog...BALANCE. I spent the entire day yesterday (Sunday) cleaning & preparing for the week. I even went a little beyond my normal neurotic cleaning and shampooed the carpet and area rugs throughout the house. By 7 PM I was on the verge of tears so I decided to chill for a minute. I laid back in my bed and thought what can I do to feel better? The above schedule is not gonna change anytime soon so decreasing my load really isn't an option. I dozed off for about 5 minutes and when I woke up, it was crystal clear! Even with a schedule broken down into 30 minute intervals, I was wasting time. How, you may ask? I needed to re-prioritize some things. Some things that I considered critical are really not that critical and other things that I had at the end of the list that I only got around to when I had "time" have moved up the list. The things that I let kinda fall by the wayside are "me time", exercising, and eating right. I realized all of these things are necessary to keep me going and therefore I may have to forgo having my house look like HGTV some days in order to make this happen. Even with this "epiphany" fresh in my mind, I still didn't get to bed last night until 1 AM after finishing laundry, etc. I'm definitely going to do better tonight! But...even going off only 4 hours of sleep, today has been better than any day I had last week (keeping my fingers crossed that this holds true since I haven't been to school yet). The lesson here is that although we often know what we need, sometimes the answer evades us 'til we sit still and listen. This could also be a plug for a daily 5 minute power nap! Keep striving :-)

Figuring Out the Game of Life

This has been my quest for the past month or so... We spend the bulk of our days working to pay for things we are barely able to enjoy. We have homes that we don't spend much time in and cars that are mostly used to transport us to & from work. Think about it...there are 24 hours in a day. 8 of which we spend working, we sleep another 8 (if we're lucky), and the last 8 we spend doing the necessary things. These include eating and excreting which we have to do to live. The remainder of this 8 hour block is generally used for logistics and preparation...getting back & forth to work, dropping off & picking up kids, grocery shopping, cooking, and doing laundry. In many instances 8 hours is not enough to perform these duties so the extra time required is taken away from the 8 hours of sleep. Seems kinda unfair, doesn't it? Well as my mom told me often when I was growing up LIFE IS NOT FAIR. I agree with that statement in some ways and totally disagree in others, but that's another blog for another day. So the question remains, "How do we get out of the Matrix?" When I was searching google to find my blog (Yes, its been that long), I came across David Goines interpretation of Life Maintenance:

http://www.goines.net/Writing/Life_Maintenance.html

His version suggests that we spend most of our lives performing maintenance, much like mine. He concluded that this doesn't leave much time for forward movement. My reason for writing is learning to LIVE through it all. I'm learning as I go and hope that my experiences help others in their journey. Having somewhat mathematically broken down what a day consists of (above), I've created a somewhat mathematical expression to figuring out this game.

Option #1

Make due with less so that we can work less and have more leisure. (Have you ever noticed how happy poor people are? Not "U.S. poor" but people in less developed countries. I'm just saying?)

Option #2 (In theory, this is my preferred option. I go on a shopping hiatus every few months then the bug bites again!!! I need to unsubscribe from these marketing emails...who can resist "The Biggest Urban Outfitter's Sale Ever"?)

Make due with less but work the same amount or greater so that we have more leisure time in the future.

Option #3

Make due with the same and work more which leaves us with less leisure time.

The common thread in each of these is SACRIFICE. We have to live off less which can be difficult in many ways. There's also a psychological component...we spend most of our days working but can't take that vacay or buy those cute shoes c'mon we deserve it! The other sacrifice is time...time away from our families and the things we love. In all scenarios, it helps to love (or at least like) what you do so that work seems a little less like work. It is also very important in all cases NOT to spend whatever leisure time you have only on logistics & planning but to make time for those things you enjoy and the people you love because quality can out weigh quantity. The great thing about life is that how you live it is up to you!!!

Blues Buster

This morning I woke up and thought...ughhh work...then immediately as if a switch went off I thought...today is gonna be a good day! That thought set the tone for the entire day. With that said, today truly wasn't that great. Okay, yes it's paradoxical but keep reading... I got dressed and pulled my hair back into a puff. The first time it was too small, the second time it was too big, and the third time it looked as if I had kind of a shag thing going on... Not Cute :/. The fourth and final attempt was not great, but I fluffed and said 2 tears in a bucket! Then holy crap I was 5 minutes late leaving the house which meant my kids would be less than or equal to 5 minutes late for school (I have it down to a science). I got the kids to school exactly 2 minutes late and luckily the door was still open so they were able to run in without getting tardy slips. When I got to work and opened my email, the first thing I saw in my inbox was an email from someone that I never wish to hear from...ever again in life. I'll save that story for my book ;o). When I read it, I immediately went into a dark place and again the switch went off. I'm not gonna let this ruin my day! Instead I began going through my things-to-do list that I wrote just before bed and I began checking things off. I continued to maneuver through my workday thinking positive thoughts. Near the end of the day, I received yet another email from the same person. This time I responded...very professionally I might add... and I still decided not to let it take me off course so I continued with my agenda. So you see my day wasn't that great... What made the difference though is how I dealt with things. For the past couple of weeks I've been really down. Granted I'm dealing with a lot, but generally I don't stay in a funk for this long. I started doing some research and found this excellent blog entry by Zen Habits:

http://zenhabits.net/feeling-down-7-ways-to-pick-yourself/

And while this blog has some great points, I was already doing most of the things listed... I'm a compulsive to-do lister! What I was struggling with was making myself DO the things I had written down. So the question remains, how do you conquer a lack of motivation...get out of that funk...shake off the blues??? Drum rollllllll...the answer is positive thought. I know it sounds waaay too simplistic, but really that's it. Yes, sh!t is going to happen inevitably but it's all in how you deal with it. So my tips to picking yourself up are:

(1) When negative thoughts enter your mind, counteract them with positive thoughts
(2) Don't dwell on the inevitable BS (when you realize you are, refer to tip #1)
(3) Stay busy (we all know the old adage about the idle mind...)

I'm going to post these somewhere until they're indelibly etched in my mind! Hope you do the same!!!

We Fall Down But...

It's been far too long since I've posted a new entry. It's been so long that I actually had to try a couple different passwords before I was able to successfully log in :-(. I love spring! It is a time of renewal. I love everything about spring with the exception of allergies (which I have learned to manage with my drug cocktail). Oh...and...I'm also not loving this daylight savings time. Don't get me wrong...I love the concept of longer days and more sunshine, but here I am 3 days after setting my clock forward and I'm still struggling to adjust. I'm not tired til 2 AM thanks to my 1 AM bedtime prior to the time change which only leaves me with 4 hours of shut-eye before embarking on the next busy day. Yesterday I unconsciously hit snooze and didn't wake up til 8 o'clock!!! That resulted in me taking the kids to school in my PJs, coming back home to get ready, and starting my workday nearly 2 hours behind schedule. I did a little better today...I still hit snooze, but I managed to get up in time to get 90% dressed before my designated leaving time. This translates to jeans, a tank, and the rocks (fake Crocs)I wear when taking the dogs in and out. I dropped the kiddos and headed to work. When I arrived, the security guard asked if I was tired. Don't know exactly what tipped her off... Was it the dried up toothpaste on my cheek? Or Maybe it was that my hair looked like Coolio since I had taken out the ties that I use to secure it at night, but hadn't shaped my fro. After parking, I sat in my car and lotioned my face and combed out my hair & added a clip. I put on my sweater, earrings, belt, and sneakers. Then I was ready to face the world or at least my co-workers~. Can you guess what time is is!?! Time for more of that good ole life maintenance. Time to regain control of my life (and my dignity). PJs Monday...Coolio Tuesday...Wednesday's gotta be better!!! My goal for tonight is to be asleep by 11. In the meantime, I'm gonna get out of the office for lunch and relish in the breezy sunshine. Yes, we fall down but the important thing is that we get up :-).

At it again

How is it that we overlook things that are right before our eyes? I've been struggling with an issue for several months (well actually several issues --but I'm just gonna focus in on the one, lol). I was looking for guidance where it was unavailable and I kept running into a brick wall. It wasn't until I had a conversation today that I realized #1 IT'S NOT JUST ME and #2 I need to utilize the resources I have around me. So you know what this means right!?! More LIFE MAINTENANCE ughh!!! For starters I had to take a hiatus. I spent the earlier part of the day working and initially I had planned to continue working into the evening. Those plans changed because I couldn't stop thinking about the time I wasted waiting for help that was not forthcoming. I told myself that at least I know now and knowledge is power. I kept repeating my mantra KNOWLEDGE IS POWER but truthfully that didn't attenuate my feelings. That's when I decided I needed to WOOOSAAA!!! It's still kinda incredible that I'm blogging amidst the chaos that has overtaken my living space over the course of the week. I would have never been able to write or even relax amidst all of this prior to adopting a more balanced lifestyle. Yay progress! The next step is of course planning and tomorrow I'm back on the grind. Tomorrow begins a new week and I'm armed with new knowledge. I also plan to use wisdom. I could easily take the information I received today and use it to justify not asking for help and trying to do it all on my own. That is emphatically not the answer! There is more than one way to skin a cat. Cat lovers its just an expression ;o). In other words if guidance is not available from the logically expected source, think outside of the box. Most importantly DON'T GIVE UP! I read somewhere (paraphrasing) no matter how you're feeling emotionally, get dressed and show up! To put my own spin on it, the universe will match your work. From my experience as long as I put forth the effort things seem to work out. That's the basis for my 'never give up' attitude. With that I'm signing off til next time...

Deliberate steps are working...

I've got 20 minutes until my experiment finishes... I'm starving so not a good time to work on that research proposal. Sooo what better time to post a new entry!?! This week was a lot more challenging than last week in many ways, but it was also easier to navigate. Someone sent me an email forward (which I typically don't read) that I found interesting. It correlated a glass of water to stress and went something like this:

Holding a glass of water for a minute is no biggie
Holding that same glass of water in the same position for an hour might cause a cramp
Holding it like that for a day could cause some major issues (and would be down right silly unless you're going for a Guinness world record)

While water is important, I'd rather put it in the context of something I like more...SHOES!!! I've got fierce HIGH heels that I lovingly refer to as my "movie shoes". While I don't exclusively wear them to the movies (in fact I rarely wear them to the movies as most of my movie "dates" are with the kids), I wear them to "sit down" functions. So let's try this again:

Standing in my movie shoes for a minute is no biggie
Standing in them for an hour would cause foot cramps (and shaky heels)
Standing in them for a day would land me in a hospital somewhere!!!

So the gist of the glass of water concept is put it down and rest your arm from time to time. The gist of the shoe analogy is very much the same. At times you gotta put your feet up and rest those babies or better yet, take 'em off!!! The same goes for stress. Sometimes you have to defrag. If your arm would get sore holding the glass and your feet would hurt from wearing the shoes, think about what stress can do to your entire body!?! What a simple concept! And to think it had to be broken down to its simplest form in order for me to not only grasp it, but to embrace it. This week I took off the heels and exhaled. While life's problems did not go away, that made things a lot more bearable.

While I'm still struggling with shutting it down and going to sleep at a reasonable hour, I am going to sleep deliberately (pjs on, glasses off, and laptop resting comfortably on the bedside table). I'm also waking up on time which can be attributed to purposely setting the ridiculously annoying alarm on the clock radio in the bathroom to an equally annoying volume. I still haven't gotten used to it and it scares the bejesus out of me!!! There's no hitting snooze after running (not walking) into the bathroom to shut it off. These changes have made a difference. This morning I found myself getting dressed while singing and dancing to MJB's Family Affair. I'm ready for whatever life brings next week, but in the meantime I look forward to a balanced, productive, and fun weekend! Byeee!!!

What is Life Maintenance?

It seems as if almost weekly I'm figuring out my life. For me this generally means making a series of "to do" lists that is impossible to complete in the time allotted. I even go as far as creating a spreadsheet and planning out every waking hour! In an effort to "get things done", I often work until I fall asleep...fully dressed (glasses and all), lights on, and with my laptop on my lap if not somehow curled around it as if we're cuddling. When I finally become cognizant of my discomfort, I wake up to realize it's 3:30 AM and I have to start my day in 2.5 hours!!! I turn off my laptop, take off my glasses, and hit the lights. My alarm buzzes what feels like a minute later and it's 6 AM...I hit snooze until I can't anymore then frantically hop up at 7 AM. I'm late! The race begins...take the dogs out...the little one has pee'd because they should've been out an hour ago...then upstairs to wake up the kids. Even in their sleepy hazes, they manage to get ready before me. I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, my afro looking like JJ from Good Times, going down the checklist:
Are you guys ready?
Do you have everything?
Aaron did you brush your teeth?
What shoes do you have on?
Have you guys eaten breakfast?
Are your lunches fixed?
Come brush your hair... They look up from their bowls of cereal and answer yesss in unison. I continue to run back and forth until I finally give them the keys and send them out to the car. I run outside to get the dogs. I put the big one on her leash and the little one runs in, but can't seem to get into her crate so I drag her in after the big one is situated. I drive like a mad woman to get the kids to school on time over taking Marta buses so that they don't have to get tardy slips. The race ensues from there. And this is what leads to life maintenance...

The term life maintenance was introduced to me by a good friend, Leslie Etienne. I was explaining what I do...looking at the different components of my life from physical/mental/emotional to kids, financial, and even social. He said, "oh, you're doing life maintenance". Prior to that, I had no name for it besides maybe getting my life together, so I have to give him credit because those 2 words have become regularly used in my vocabulary. I have incorporated the term so much that someone may ask what I'm doing and the answer is "life maintenance" and between he and I, simply LM. So what is the point of this blog??? The point is not to just explain what life maintenance is but to become more efficient at it and to live through it. The truth of the matter is my life is not going to get any less intense anytime soon. I'm a single mother of four (2 children and 2 dogs). I work full time and am a full time grad student. As I embark on this long weekend--thanks MLK for making the ultimate sacrifice, I plan to do more planning, but I also plan to do some living...BALANCE. On Monday night I'm shutting down the computer intentionally by 11 PM, sleeping 7 hrs til 6 AM and beginning my week taking deliberate steps...NOT racing.